


Grief is Timeless

by searider_Falcon



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, I do not ship Chakotay and Tessa, Only J/C, This is J/C in its own way, Timeless spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 00:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15618852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/searider_Falcon/pseuds/searider_Falcon
Summary: After a mistake with devastating consequences, Harry Kim plans a temporal change of history.





	1. Chapter 1: 2390

**Author's Note:**

> So, this pulls some dialogue directly from the episode, so it's safe to say, I do not own Voyager, Paramount does. The ruiners of J/C - I mean Braga, Bermman, and Menofsky (sorry, if he's grouped with the ruiners) wrote the episode. 
> 
> That being said, I wanted to see a story about what lead Harry and Chakotay to become fugitives and change history. I also felt that the conveniently line of "we just stole the Delta Flyer" needed something else behind it. Look for someone familiar. 
> 
> Also, things might seem a little out of character for Chakotay, but just roll with it.

2390  
It was just about midnight when Harry Kim arrived outside Chakotay’s apartment building. The street where the stone building stood was lit by street lamps, casting eerie shadows and for a moment Harry felt as if he was in a mystery holonovel. At least, that’s what he imagined what it would feel like, he hadn’t participated in holonovels in years. He rushed across the street and ran into Tessa, a woman Chakotay had been seeing lately. Harry was surprised to find her outside so late, she was usually an early to bed and early to rise kind of person. 

“Tessa, what are you doing out here?” asked Harry. 

She shrugged and looked back at the apartment entrance. 

“He won’t let me in...I think it’s another bad day,” she said pointedly to Harry. 

Harry’s jaw set. Chakotay had a lot of bad days in the past fifteen years. So did Harry. Starfleet counselors said it was survivor’s guilt. Maybe it was but after he and Chakotay were the only survivors of an event that resulted in the deaths of all of their Voyager crew mates, Harry knew there was no getting over that. The counselors said to move on, to accept his crew mates’ deaths as just part of Starfleet life and that the mission was extremely dangerous, the risk was too high. It was hard to accept this truth when Starfleet still searched for Voyager, trying to determine where the ship ended up when it hurtled from the slip stream. Both he and Chakotay were obsessed with the search, often working late into the night. Concerned over their behavior, Starfleet Command ordered both Harry and Chakotay into more mandatory counseling. It didn’t help. In fact, Harry felt as if it only made matters worse. One counselor even went so far as to say it was astounding that Captain Janeway even authorized the mission, implying that she was to blame. At that, Chakotay exploded. His grief turning into rage as he shouted at the counselor. Harry held him back, concerned that Chakotay would become violent. At the immense effort it took to keep Chakotay away from the counselor, Harry knew Chakotay would have beaten the therapist to a pulp just for insinuating that Kathryn Janeway made a mistake. Only Chakotay was allowed to do that, and even then it was with a tremendous amount of respect. 

Starfleet counselors threatened to relieve Chakotay of duty, stating that his emotional state made him unfit. After that, Chakotay refused to attend more therapy sessions. He and Chakotay were reassigned. Harry signed up for the first deep space mission he could find, using that time to try to continue the search for Voyager but after four years of searching, Starfleet discontinued their search for the crash site. Harry pleaded with Starfleet. Begged them to continue but as a Vulcan admiral stated logically, there was a “low probability of success.” Angry and disenfranchised with Starfleet, both Chakotay and Harry resigned their commissions. 

It wasn’t until the night they resigned did Harry realize just how deep Chakotay’s grief was. How painful and sad. He found Chakotay at a bar. They made plans to meet there later that day. When Harry arrived at their arranged time that evening, he found Chakotay had been there since early afternoon. Harry listened as Chakotay drunkenly confessed how he couldn’t get over what happened. How he missed B’Elanna who was like his sister and best friend. How he even missed Tuvok and the Doctor no matter how much they irritated him sometimes. It wasn’t until Chakotay could barely hold himself up in a sitting position when he said what Harry had suspected all along. 

“And Kathryn…” said Chakotay and he let out a sob, “She’s....and I never told her.”

He slumped over, tried to brace himself against the table of their booth but his hand missed and he fell to the side. Harry watched him with fear and pity. 

“I love her, Harry. I’ve always loved her,” said Chakotay before he let out another sob. 

Harry supported Chakotay back to his apartment that night, replicated a detox spray from the replicator, and helped Chakotay sober up. It wouldn’t be the only time Harry had to do this. He became quite familiar with the local bartenders who agreed to notify him whenever Chakotay remained in one of their bars longer than an hour. Harry was fearful that Chakotay would fall into a dangerous pattern, unable to accept his grief and move forward but it wasn’t easy for Harry either. He couldn’t judge Chakotay too harshly. Harry’s own thoughts often dwelled on Tom and B’Elanna and how empty his life was without them in it. They were his best friends, without them, he had no one. 

Upon his return, his parents were thrilled. Even his girlfriend, Libby, was there for him at first. But as the Starfleet probe into the incident revealed that Harry himself sent the wrong phase corrections to Voyager which lead to the crash, everything changed. He changed. Harry shut himself off from Libby and she left him, stating he wasn’t the Harry she used to know. That Harry was gone, left behind in the Delta quadrant with the 150 souls of Voyager. His parents didn’t know how to help. Their repeated remarks about how happy they were that he was home safe irritated him so much Harry shouted at them to stop. 

“I killed them! Don’t you get it? They trusted me. I begged to do the mission. It was only a .42 variance! I killed them all and you’re standing there saying how wonderful it is to have me back but I should have died out there with my friends. I should be there with them.” 

He broke down. His grief, which was barely contained during a normal day, exploded to the surface. Later, Harry regretted seeing the look of hurt and confusion on his mother’s face, which only compounded his guilt. Despite the mandatory therapy sessions that extended beyond what Chakotay had, Harry could not get past his mistake. 

Harry returned to Earth. No longer with Starfleet, Harry’s motivation was slowly sapped out of him. His work suffered. He second guessed himself which lead to him avoiding major opportunities for fear he would make a similar catastrophic mistake. Harry found himself in a civilian engineering job. A job for inept wanna be engineers, Academy interns, and former ensigns who couldn’t get past the deaths of his friends. Everyone avoided him. Harry knew there were whispers and stories about him but he didn’t care. At one time, it might have bothered him, but the gossip of his coworkers was trivial compared to the weight of the burden he held. He continued the search for Voyager.


	2. Chapter 2

One night, he found her. Voyager. He actually found the crash site. He felt a rush of excitement as he finally found what he was looking for. Determined, Harry worked to figure out if he was indeed responsible for the crash. He was. Yet, as he worked, realizations hit him so hard it was as if he himself had been hit by a torpedo blast. Harry realized what caused his mistake and more importantly what the correct phase variance was that Voyager needed to stay safe. After mulling that over, a new thought occurred to Harry after he completed a half-assed assignment for Photonic Materials and Software, the contractor for Starfleet Engineering that he worked for. The thought that circled Harry’s mind, caused his heart to race. Time travel. Or a variation of it. Reset the past, change what happened, save everyone. The thought consumed him and for the first time in a long time, Harry had something to live for. As Harry was consumed with finding a solution, Chakotay was simply trying to forget. Unsuccessfully for the most part, however, he did have bright spots here and there. What looked like a change for the better was when Chakotay met Tessa. Harry knew, although he would never state it out loud, that Tessa was not who Chakotay wanted. She was simply a distraction, a physical distraction. Tessa fell in love with Chakotay and Harry imagined that Chakotay did care for her too, if not in the way Tessa wanted. He felt sorry for the woman. She loved a man whose heart belonged years in the past. Whose heart truly belong to Kathryn Janeway. Harry didn’t have the time to befriend Tessa or explain why Chakotay acted the way he did. A small part of him suspected she already knew. Maybe Chakotay cried out Kathryn’s name in bed or something. It didn’t matter. He had work to do. 

After the fifteenth year of obsessively searching and planning Harry found himself where he was now, outside Chakotay’s apartment but this time, he had a plan. Finally, after years in the making, this plan was it. If it worked, all their pain and suffering would be gone. Tom Paris, B’Elanna Torres, Captain Janeway, even little Naomi Wildman would still be alive. He had to set this right and Harry knew, Chakotay needed to come along for the journey. They both needed this. If only Chakotay would be sober enough to cooperate. It frustrated Harry to know that Chakotay had fallen back into this darkness. Didn’t he know how hard Harry was working? Annoyed by the disruption, Harry glared at Tessa. 

“What’s wrong with him?” Harry asked tersely, knowing full well Chakotay was in another one of his depressive cycles where drinking and losing himself in memories was all he could do. If Harry didn’t have his plan to set things right, he could very well end up like Chakotay. 

“What do you think?” Tessa said.

She knew Harry understood what was going on and Harry could tell she was just as irritated with his feigning ignorance as he was with the entire situation. Harry walked passed her and up the concrete steps into Chakotay’s building. He got the apartment marked number five and pounded on the door. 

“Chakotay, open up,” Harry said forcefully. 

He didn’t have time to mess around, he was too eager to put his plan into motion. He was too wired with the thought that they could change history and right a wrong that should never had happened. 

“If you don’t open this door, I’ll break it down,” said Harry. 

“Chakotay, please,” said Tessa. She stood behind Harry, sadness written all over her face. 

Harry pounded on the door. A neighbor opened his door to see what the ruckus was about and when he saw Harry, the neighbor simply rolled his eyes and closed his door, returning to his apartment. Everyone in the building was familiar with Harry’s threats to break down Chakotay’s door. After a moment, Harry heard stumbling from inside the apartment. The door opened and Chakotay drunkenly blinked at them. Harry heard Tessa sigh heavily at the sight of Chakotay. His scruffy, disheveled appearance was nothing new to Harry. Chakotay’s graying hair stuck out as if he had been running his hands through it. Lines were on his face now, lines of a weary, tired man, who was barely holding on. A bad day indeed. Harry didn’t have time to feel sorry for him. 

“I need to talk to you,” said Harry and he pushed past Chakotay to enter the apartment. 

Whiskey and brandy bottles stood on the coffee table along with one unopened Antarian cider. Harry recognized it as Chakotay’s last bottle. He always refused to open it, confessing to Harry that he and the Captain often shared that drink during some of the meals together. Perhaps he thought if he opened it, it would mean finality. That the Captain was really dead, which of course, she was. Chakotay stumbled after Harry, catching himself on the back of the couch.

“What’re you want?” Chakotay slurred trying to focus on Harry. 

Harry ignored him and looked at the mess before him. A broken glass lay on the floor, shattered from where Chakotay must have thrown it. Framed photos of Chakotay and the Captain sat on his coffee table. They were gifts from his sister, who, at first, was concerned that Chakotay couldn’t accept the Captain’s death but she soon realized, it wasn’t that Chakotay couldn’t accept it, it was that he wouldn’t. Harry knew, Chakotay’s sister thought the photos would help me be able to look at the memory of Kathryn Janeway and then move on. He didn’t. A long time ago, Harry asked Chakotay where his sister could have gotten photographs of the Captain, as they weren’t normally stored in the Delta Flyer’s database. Chakotay had confessed that he brought a isolinear data stick with him containing certain personal files when he went on potentially dangerous missions. He kept it tucked away in his uniform and it usually brought him comfort. Now it only haunted him. Harry picked up a photo of Chakotay and the Captain from one of Neelix’s luau’s. They were both wearing Hawaiian themed clothing and wore leis around their neck. They were all smiles as they stood arm and arm. Harry remembered that night and the memory of Voyager’s parties only fuelled him to continue with his plan. 

“Give me that,” Chakotay demanded and attempted to pull the photo from Harry’s hands but missed. 

“I need to talk to you. I have a plan but I need you to sober up first, so you can understand what I’m saying,” said Harry. 

“Give it to me,” said Chakotay. 

“You need to sober up,” said Harry. 

“I’m not drunk,” said Chakotay and he leaned to the side as he tried in vein to pull the photo away from Harry. 

“Yes, you are. Now, let’s get you cleaned up and sober,” said Harry. 

“How...you come here….you’re the reason she’s dead. You did this,” slurred Chakotay, his anger rising as he focused on Harry.

“Chakotay,” Tessa said, attempting to soothe him. 

Harry was used to this argument. He’d heard it before and accepted the blame just like every time however this time, it didn’t hit him like a load of latinum. His plan was too important to let that particular jab truly hurt him tonight. Chakotay tugged the photo free from Harry’s hands and lost his balance. He tripped over his own feet and fell to the floor. The framed photo hit the ground, the glass that covered the photo broke in a spider web pattern right over the face of Kathryn Janeway. 

“No,” said Chakotay quietly. 

He attempted to sit up but apparently was too dizzy. He slumped to side, and clutched the photograph.

“No, no, no...Kathryn,” he whimpered. 

He started to sob and his fingers brushed over the cracked glass, over the Captain’s face.

“Kathryn…” cried Chakotay. 

Tessa took a step forward, her face sad and resigned. 

“I’ll take care of it,” Harry said, “Just...let me.” 

Harry knelt next to Chakotay, finally allowing himself to feel Chakotay’s sorrow. He put a hand to Chakotay’s shoulder and felt Chakotay’s body shake with sobs. 

“Come on, let’s get you cleaned up,” said Harry and gently put his arm around Chakotay’s waist and slowly pulled him up. 

Supporting most of Chakotay’s weight, Harry half carried, half dragged Chakotay into the apartment bathroom. Chakotay fell to the floor in front of the toilet, where he vomited. Harry leaned back and sighed. Chakotay wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. His tears starting again. 

“I love her and she’s gone. She’s dead. I wish I were dead. I wish I was there with her. Kathryn…” sobbed Chakotay. 

“I know,” Harry said sympathetically, “I know.” 

For a moment all that could be heard in the apartment was the air circulating from the built-in air filtration system, the hum of the lights, and Chakotay’s sobs. Harry looked at his former commanding officer. He was huddled on the bathroom floor, clutching a broken photo of the woman he loved. His grief too powerful to overcome. Harry knew he was making the right decision. 

“I have a plan. It will set things right. It will bring her back. Bring them all back but I need your help and you have to really be here to do it,” said Harry. 

When Chakotay didn’t respond, Harry knelt in front of him and shook him by the shoulders.

“Listen to me,” said Harry, “Chakotay! I have a plan. We’re going to go back and make things right.”

Chakotay lifted his head, blinked at Harry, then turned and vomited once more into the toilet.   
Harry stood and left the bathroom. He needed to replicate the detox hypospray that usually worked when Chakotay was this far gone. When he entered the living room, he found Tessa was already at the replicator. She turned and approached Harry with the spray in one hand. She stopped at the coffee table and glanced down and the photos. She bent to pick up one of the framed photographs. This one was captured at a birthday party for...someone. Harry couldn’t remember but the photo showed the Captain’s beaming smile as she gazed at her first officer. Chakotay was grinning back, completely lost in the Captain’s beauty. 

“I’ll never live up to the memory of her, will I?” Tessa said.

Harry looked at her solemnly. Despite Tessa being a kind-hearted, caring person, she was right. In Chakotay’s mind, there was no comparison. Tessa simply was not Kathryn Janeway. 

“Tessa,” Harry said in a half-hearted attempt to make her feel better and understand. 

“Forget it,” said Tessa and she set the framed photograph back on the table, “Here.” 

She handed the hypospray to Harry. 

“I’m gonna go. Look after him?” said Tessa with one sad long look in the direction of the bathroom. 

Harry did not reply and watched as Tessa turned and left the apartment without another word.   
Harry returned to the bathroom to find Chakotay standing. He looked a little unsteady but he clutched the sides of the sink. Water dripped from his face as he looked at himself in the mirror. He had stopped crying. Harry approached him and administered the hypospray. Chakotay allowed himself to be steered to the bed and he collapsed onto it. Harry swung Chakotay’s feet onto the bed and covered him with a blanket. Then he returned to the bathroom to retrieve the broken photograph of Chakotay and Captain. Harry replicated new glass and replaced the broken shards with the new sheet. He set the photo on the bedside table then retreated to the living room. 

Harry cleaned up the mess, picking up the shards of glass that were scattered and recycled the empty bottles in the replicator’s recycling unit. He sighed heavily and sat on the couch. Harry could hear Chakotay’s snores from the bedroom. He looked to the photograph of his smiling captain. 

“This will work. I’ll get you back, all of you. I promise,” Harry said aloud.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, Harry woke to bright sunlight coming through a window. It took him a few minutes to realize that he wasn’t in his usual darkened bedroom or wearing his sleep mask. Then he remembered, he was at Chakotay’s after another difficult night. Harry blinked and sat up. His neck ached and he could only image it was because he slept with his head squashed at an odd angle against the armrest of the couch. He stretched, letting his neck crack as he yawned. He convinced himself to get up and check on Chakotay but found him in the kitchen. The detox hypospray must have done its work. Chakotay was picked up two mugs of coffee and turned to find Harry watching him. He started a little seeing Harry standing before him and luckily didn’t spill any coffee. 

“Feeling better?” asked Harry. 

“Thanks to you,” said Chakotay, “Coffee?” 

Chakotay offered Harry a mug. They drank in silence. They were way past apologies and thanks. It was all implied and understood between them by this point. This wasn’t the first time.

“Did Tessa call you here last night?” said Chakotay. 

“No,” said Harry. 

Chakotay shrugged a shoulder, “I’ve apologized and called her this morning. She should be on her way here now.”

Harry had no interest in whether Chakotay patched things up with Tessa or not. Seeing that Chakotay was sober enough for a conversation, Harry forced himself to wake up more fully.

“If she didn’t call you. Why were you here?” asked Chakotay. 

“I needed to talk to you,” said Harry, “I think I’ve come up with a plan that would make these past fifteen years as if they never happened.”

Chakotay stared at Harry. His mug of coffee forgotten half way up to his mouth. 

“What?” Chakotay said in disbelief. 

Just then there was a knock on the door. Tessa entered seemingly pleased that Chakotay was feeling better. At seeing Chakotay’s face of disbelief and Harry’s intense determination, the smile fell from Tessa’s face. 

“What is it?” she asked as she shut the door behind her. 

“Harry was just going to tell me his plan to change history,” said Chakotay as he set down his mug of coffee. 

Chakotay led Tessa to the couch and they sat, looked at Harry and waited for him to begin.   
Harry looked at Chakotay whose face fell into a serious expression. One that made it clear that this better not be a joke. 

“I’ve come up with a plan to stop the accident that destroyed Voyager,” said Harry. 

He couldn’t bring himself to say the words, killed the crew, because he didn’t want to allow room for self doubt. This wasn’t like the eager younger Harry Kim who begged his captain to proceed with a dangerous, extremely risky mission without enough research. He had years to develop his theory, the execution of his plan, and the resources he would need for it. He was ready. 

Tessa laughed and after realizing she was the only one, looked to Chakotay, who was staring at Harry, “You can’t be serious? Change history? With what? Time travel?” said Tessa. 

“Not exactly,” said Harry. 

“Then what?” 

Harry looked at Chakotay who simply sat on the couch in silence. He explained his plan. Using Seven of Nine’s Borg implants to send a message, the correct phase adjustment, the one that Harry should have sent to Voyager all those years ago, he could save Voyager from its terrible fate. Harry ran a hand over his face as Chakotay stood up suddenly and moved to a bookshelf where he normally stored his framed photos of him and the Captain. He had put the photos back, mixed in among a few books. He stared at the repaired luau photo. 

“We can bring her back,” Chakotay said more to himself. 

“Not only her, all of them,” said Harry, “If it works, we can bring them back to the Alpha quadrant. We’ll save all of them and bring them home.” 

He silently pleaded with Chakotay to agree with the plan. Harry didn’t want to do this without him but would go through with it anyway if he had to. His mind was made up. He was going to make this right.

“Wait…” said Tessa, who was watching Chakotay with apprehension. 

Chakotay turned to face the room again. He looked at Harry.

“I’m doing this. We’re doing this,” he said to Tessa, “I have to do this. You don’t have to understand, but I’m doing this.” 

“This is crazy,” Tessa said, then she turned on Harry, “How can you do this? How can you get his hopes up like this?”

“This will work,” said Harry.

Tessa looked as if she was going to protest further but Chakotay came toward her. He took her hands in his. 

“We’re going to do this. I have to try,” said Chakotay earnestly. 

Tessa’s anger melted and Harry saw her shoulders sag in defeat. She nodded silently. Chakotay turned to Harry. 

“Okay, we follow your plan,” said Chakotay, sounding more like his old self, “Now what?”

“We need the Delta Flyer,” said Harry, “and a Borg temporal transmitter.” 

Chakotay sighed, “Well, that’s a problem.”


	4. Chapter 4

Through some not so reputable channels, Harry was able to ascertain where a Borg temporal transmitter was located on Earth. Starfleet Intelligence, wreckage storage, classified. The transmitter was key, without it, Harry wouldn’t be able to send a message to the past and complete his plan. The ultimate goal was to send the correct phase variance back through time, in order to save Voyager from its icy fate. The tricky part was breaking into Starfleet Intelligence, stealing the transmitter and returning to Chakotay’s apartment in order to execute the rest of the plan. Chakotay and Harry plotted for two weeks before Harry felt confident that they were ready to get the transmitter. They waited for 0200 hours, after the night shift had settled in and guards would be limited. Using a combination of Chakotay’s Maquis algorithms and a few Borg encryption codes Harry picked up from Seven of Nine years ago, they gained access to the building. 

“This way,” Harry said. 

His lips moving oddly from the temporary surgical alterations they hastily added as a last resort in order to disguise their appearances. Harry looked like an Andorian while Chakotay was a badly disfigured Nauscian. Harry wished the Doctor was around, as he could have made their disguises perfect. Chakotay followed him, and silently they moved down the corridor and into a maintenance shaft. The shaft was dimly lit and small. They climbed down to reach sub-level 4, where the classified Borg salvage was located. Harry could hear Chakotay panting behind him. He wasn’t exactly in shape anymore and it didn’t help matters that the maintenance shaft was hot and cramped. Harry kept moving, the faster they stole the transmitter, the faster they could get out of this place. When they arrived at sub-level 4, Harry paused just in front of the maintenance panel opening. 

“Any guards outside?” panted Chakotay. 

Harry looked at the tricorder he brought with him. 

“One...wait...he’s moving away,” said Harry.

“Just our luck,” said Chakotay. 

Slowly, Harry removed the paneling in front of him and peered through a small opening. There was no one in the corridor. 

“Come on,” said Harry. 

Quickly, they moved out of the maintenance shaft, down the corridor and to a room across the hall. The Borg encryption opened the lock and the two of them slipped inside. The salvage room was huge. It housed floor to ceiling shelving units and all kinds of parts Starfleet demeaned too important to recycle and scrap. Harry scanned the room while Chakotay stood watch at the door. 

“Anything?” asked Chakotay. 

“Give me a minute,” said Harry as he held the tricorder out in front of him. 

The tricorder beeped and Harry rushed past rows of shelves until he reached his desired location. The tricorder beeped loudly and more quickly as Harry approached the transmitter. It sat on the second shelf, in a compartment near the middle of the shelving unit. 

“Okay, I found it...and it’s behind a forcefield,” said Harry almost defeated. 

He didn’t hear Chakotay reply, so he worked the tricorder, trying to find the forcefield’s frequency so he could override it. The tricorder beeped as he worked. It had been a while since he worked on a puzzle like this. After a few moments, the forcefield fell. Harry grabbed the Borg transmitter. The forcefield went back up almost as soon as he removed his hands from the compartment. As the forcefield was put back into place, there was a beeping sound from somewhere within the room. An alarm? Chakotay suddenly appeared at his side. 

“What’s that?” he said inquiring about the alarm. 

“Dunno, but I’m not staying to find out,” said Harry and he moved passed Chakotay toward the doors.

“The guard will be back any second,” said Chakotay. 

“Then let’s get out of here,” said Harry. 

They ran back across the room to the door leading to the corridor and burst through it. Their luck was holding and there were no guards, at least for now. They scrambled into the maintenance shaft and replaced the panel opening they used to exit the shaft. Then it was the journey back up to ground level. Harry was sweating, partly from the hot maintenance shaft and partly from nerves. They arrived at the ground level shaft entrance and saw a group of guards huddled around a monitor just feet away from their hiding place. Harry watched, thinking. Chakotay had their only phaser. If Harry exited the shaft first, the guards would surely overpower him before Chakotay could even aim. As he contemplated his options, the guards’ attention shifted to a new arrival. A security captain entered the room. 

“An alarm sounded on sublevel four, I need all available personnel to help me come look,” said the captain. 

The group of guards followed the officer, leaving no one standing in the way of their exit. Harry thanked Starfleet complacency and arrogance for believing no one would have escaped their security measures by now. 

“Now’s our chance,” said Chakotay. 

Harry followed orders, just like old times, and he and Chakotay raced from the building. They sprinted away from Starfleet Intelligence and out into the darkened night. 

Elated from the ease of their heist, Harry was eager to keep the plan in motion. The longer they held the transmitter, the more likely Starfleet would be able to track it down. The next step in his plan was to get to the Delta Flyer. From there, he and Chakotay would leave Earth and using the Borg temporal transmitter, be able to locate the precise time and place where Seven of Nine was before the accident. Then Harry would send his message. Simple...if everything worked according to plan. 

The Delta Flyer was stored in a shuttle bay at Starfleet Command. Impounded, thought Harry. If his plan was going to work, Harry needed that ship. He needed its lab, its deflector, sensors...everything. The tricky part was getting to it, after that...he didn’t care what happened. Harry was at Chakotay’s apartment. He and Chakotay packed two duffel bags. Disguise free, Harry folded his cold weather gear and packed it away. The planet where he found Voyager’s wrecked hull was an icy one, cold and desolate. They worked in silence. They needed to avoid Starfleet who would indeed try to stop them. Careful to make it look like they were leaving Earth for Dorvan V, Chakotay’s home planet, Harry booked passage on a transport leaving the next day. Hopefully they would be long gone before anyone would realize they weren’t on the transport. 

There was a knock at the apartment door. Harry froze, for a second worried that someone, somehow discovered their plan. With a look that told him to stay calm, Chakotay moved to open the door. It was only Tessa. She arrived with a duffel bag of her own. 

“What are you doing here?” Chakotay asked surprised as Tessa hugged him hello. 

“I’m coming with you,” said Tessa. 

“This is our mission,” Harry tried to protest. Tessa had good intentions, he was sure, but the last thing Harry wanted was for Chakotay to get distracted from their task. 

“You don’t have to come. Chances are this will be a one way trip,” said Chakotay. 

“This is important to you,” said Tessa, “So, I’m going.”

“Well, you better be ready to go, we’re leaving soon,” said Harry, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice. 

“Going where?” 

“Starfleet Command - we need the Delta Flyer,” said Chakotay. 

He moved back to his duffel back and Harry saw him tuck a green isolinear data stick into an inside pocket. It must be the data that contained his personal files and photos of him and Captain. 

“It might not be as difficult as you might think,” said Tessa. 

“Oh? Have you become a master spy?” said Harry bitterly. 

Chakotay shot him a look and Harry returned to packing his duffel. 

“No,” said Tessa calmly to Harry, “But you work for Photonic, right? As a contractor, you have access to the shuttle bay or anything Starfleet Engineering has dominion over.” 

“So?” said Chakotay. 

“Tell them you’re working on a new project and need to see some of the Delta Flyer’s specifications before you leave,” said Tessa. 

Harry thought about it. It could work. 

“You did help build the Flyer,” said Chakotay. 

“It was more Tom than….” but Harry stopped. Talking about his best friend was too painful, “Alright, but the engineers will want to see what kind of project I’m working on.” 

“I can help with that,” said Tessa and she pulled out a padd from her bag. 

She handed the padd to Chakotay who reviewed it. 

“External Holo-Projection for Ship’s Defense,” Chakotay read aloud.

“It makes sense, since Voyager attempted to do something similar. It wouldn’t be suspicious to work on a project you’re already familiar with,” said Tessa. 

Both Tessa and Chakotay looked at him, waiting for his response. 

“Security is going to be tightened now that we’ve stolen the transmitter,” said Harry. 

“What other choice do we have?” asked Chakotay. 

They stared at each other, after an encouraging nod from Chakotay, Harry agreed. It was his plan after all. 

They arrived at Starfleet Headquarters and spoke with a young officer in charge of the shuttle bay. Harry showed him his forged work proposal and explained that he needed to see the Flyer to gather some final data. After their heist, Harry was sure this would be where they would be caught. Starfleet Intelligence and Security would have analyzed all the sensor logs and found them by now. Harry was sure of it, but best to play the innocent for as long as possible. 

“And we’re kind of in a hurry. We’re catching a transport to Dorvan soon, and I’d like the data to work on during the trip. It takes two weeks,” Harry said with a knowing nod to the officer. 

“Uh, sure,” said the officer who verified that Harry did indeed work for Photonic Materials and Software. 

Harry, Chakotay, and Tessa were just about the enter the shuttle bay when they were stopped by a familiar voice. 

“Harry Kim?” 

Harry turned and to his surprise saw Admiral Owen Paris, Tom’s father standing in the corridor. Harry and Chakotay glanced at each other. Tom’s father was in his mid-seventies now. Hardened even more after the Voyager crash. He was gruff and grumpy, and very much the no-nonsense Admiral Tom always described. Harry’s heart sank in his chest. If Admiral Paris was snooping around, their plan was ruined. There would be no way the Admiral would let them anywhere near the ship his son designed and built. Admiral Paris eyed them, taking in their duffel bags. He turned to the junior officer whom Harry spoke to earlier.

“Get me a coffee, will you?” barked Admiral Paris. 

“Yes, sir,” said the officer and without a moment’s hesitation, left to fetch the Admiral coffee. 

Admiral Paris approached Harry. Harry tried his best to look innocent but in all reality, he was thinking about ways he could overpower the Admiral. The man was old and Harry was still in great shape. He and Chakotay could easily subdue him if need be. Harry was not going to let Starfleet stand in his way. 

“You’re planning something, aren’t you?” asked Admiral Paris after studied Harry’s face. 

“Sir, I don’t…”

“I don’t have time for lies. You want that ship,” said Admiral Paris, jerking his head in the direction of the door to the shuttle bay where the Flyer was docked. 

“I just wanted to see the Flyer one more time, before I leave Earth,” said Harry, hoping this story would placate the Admiral. 

It didn’t. 

“After fifteen years, you’re just now wanting to see that ship? I think there’s something more you’re not telling me.” 

Harry studied the Admiral. He had blue eyes just like Tom Paris and suddenly an idea sparked in Harry’s brain. 

“I found Voyager. I have a plan to set things right,” Harry paused then throwing caution into the wind, said, “ Look, Tom was my best friend. He stuck up for me when no one else would. I owe him my life. If my plan works, Tom and the others will all be alive. The least I can do is try.”

Harry saw Chakotay stiffen out of the corner of his eye. He held his ground. The Admiral swallowed and looked toward the shuttle. Tom Paris was the Admiral’s only son and while they might not have always seen eye to eye, Harry knew deep down the Admiral was just as torn up by his son’s death as Harry was. The Admiral was silent for a moment, then he nodded to himself, as if he made up his mind. 

“You can set this right? Change what happened? You’re sure?” The Admiral said. 

“Yes,” said Harry feigning confidence. 

The Admiral moved to the shuttle bay door and pressed a button. The door opened.

“Then go. I’ll open the main bay doors. Good luck,” Admiral Paris said. 

Chakotay and Tessa hurried through, Harry followed but was stopped when Admiral Paris grabbed his arm. 

“Starfleet will hunt you. Changing history, they take that very seriously. They’ll press charges,” warned the Admiral. 

“At this point, sir, I don’t care what Starfleet tries to do,” said Harry. 

Admiral Paris nodded and Harry knew he was only doing this for his son. 

Harry boarded the shuttle. Chakotay was already at the helm, powering up ship’s systems and preparing to launch. He looked back when he heard Harry join them. 

“What were you thinking, telling the Admiral our plan?” he said angrily. 

“It was a calculated risk,” said Harry. 

“And if he doesn’t open the door?” said Chakotay but as he said it, the doors to the bay opened and the blue sky of Earth’s atmosphere peeked through. 

“There’s your answer,” said Harry. 

Chakotay didn’t waste time arguing. He launched the shuttle, powering it through the open door and out into the sky. 

“Here are the coordinates,” Harry said, plugging them into the console in front of him. 

The shuttle’s communication system beeped. 

“Attention shuttlecraft. This is an unauthorize launch. Return to shuttle bay twelve immediately.”

Chakotay ignored the message and after repeated hails from Starfleet Command that went unanswered, he piloted the shuttle to warp. Harry felt the familiar power of the Flyer’s engines as the ship travelled away from Earth. He felt no regrets as he left his family behind. This was more important than them, more important than being home. What was the point of being home if his friends and crew mates weren’t there to share it with him? Harry didn’t care what the consequences would be. He would see this mission through or die trying. There was no going back now.


	5. Chapter 5

It took longer than Harry anticipated to reach Voyager’s crash site. Tessa and Chakotay informed him on different occasions they had to alter course in order to avoid Starfleet ships sent to apprehend them. It was the third day of their journey when their arrest warrants went out all over subspace. Harry stood over Chakotay’s shoulder as they reviewed their photos and the charges against them.   
High treason.   
Conspiracy to violate the temporal prime directive.   
It did send a twinge of fear down Harry’s spine to see his photo alongside the official warrant for arrest but this was for a good reason. If he was successful none of that would matter anyway. They finally arrived at the crash site, the Takara sector, just outside of the Alpha quadrant. Harry and Chakotay dressed in their cold weather gear in silence. Harry was shaking, not out of excitement that his plan was finally going to be put in motion, but more so out of the uncertainty and fear of what he would find once they beamed down. The feeling didn’t go away when they entered the ship. The corridors were dark, icy, and very much a tomb. Harry attempted to restore power to the ship’s control panels, getting frustrated at his multiple failed attempts. 

“Keep at it, I’m going to the bridge,” said Chakotay. 

Harry was able to bring ship’s systems online, at least a miniscule amount. It was enough. He could monitor Chakotay on the bridge, just to be safe, and figure out if his route to sickbay was safe to traverse. So much of the hull had collapsed due to the weight of the snow and ice that lay on top of the ship. As Harry watched the monitor, he saw Chakotay entered the bridge. 

Chakotay stood at the entrance for a moment, as if collecting his thoughts before moving on. As he entered the main section of the bridge, he froze. He dropped to a knee and Harry leaned in closer to the icy monitor to get a better look at what Chakotay was seeing. It was the Captain. Her frozen corpse lay on the bridge floor in front of her chair. Chakotay leaned over her and Harry could only imagine what Chakotay must be feeling at seeing the woman he loved most in the universe lying dead before him. He was concerned Chakotay would break down but to Harry’s surprise, he didn’t. He lingered for a moment longer before standing and looking around the bridge. He found Seven of Nine, whose body they came to retrieve. Harry watched as Chakotay ordered Tessa to beam Seven’s body back to the Flyer before he headed to sickbay. Step one was complete, get Seven’s body, specifically for her Borg implants, next was the Doctor. In sickbay, Harry activated the Doctor, relieved that he could get the holo-projection systems online. The Doctor appeared. 

“Please state the nature of...the…” said the Doctor, but as he looked around, his voice trailed off. 

The Doctor turned and found Harry. 

“Ensign….what?”

“Don’t call me Ensign. It’s just Harry, now, Doc,” said Harry, “Where’s your mobile emitter. Put it on.” 

The Doctor retrieved the emitter and complied but his agitation was clear. 

“What’s happened?” he asked. 

“There’s no time to explain. You need to come with me,” said Harry. 

“Wait a minute, Mr. Kim. Just what is going on? What happened to the ship?” demanded the Doctor, “I demand an explanation.” 

As he spoke, Chakotay entered sickbay. 

“We’re here to change history,” said Chakotay.


	6. Chapter 6

Harry noticed that Chakotay’s demeanor changed dramatically ever since they stole the Delta Flyer. He was more optimistic and driven. As if the thought of success was driving away any doubt he felt. Harry was jealous. Now that he was here on Voyager, doubt was all he felt. Doubt that the mission would succeed. Doubt that his phase corrections would work. They beamed back to the Flyer, materializing in the lab. Seven’s body lay on the one biobed the Flyer’s lab had. The Doctor looked at it, concerned. 

“What’s going on?” The Doctor demanded. 

Harry and Chakotay looked at each other. 

“It’s going to take some time to explain,” said Harry and he began to tell the Doctor everything. 

Chakotay disappeared to the front of the shuttle. 

“We made it home, but at the cost of all those we care about,” said Harry, “Starfleet gave us a parade, awarded us medals. They even had a Vulcan children’s choir. They welcomed us back as heroes but they shouldn’t have. So we’re here to set things right. We’re going to change history and we need your help to do it.” 

“So, Starfleet’s ordered this mission?” asked the Doctor, eyeing Harry’s civilian clothing as Harry pulled off his winter gear. 

“No. Starfleet ended their search. We continued on our own,” said Harry, “You see, Doc, fifteen years ago, I miscalculated the slipstream threshold and transmitted the wrong phase corrections to Voyager. Boom! They were knocked out of the slipstream and sent to an icy death; 'Thank you, Ensign Kim.'"

Tessa entered the aft section of the shuttle. 

“He’s kicked me out from up there,” said Tessa to Harry. 

Harry grimly acknowledged her as Tessa turned to the Doctor. She introduced herself. 

“And how did you get involved with Bonnie and Clyde here?” The Doctor asked Tessa. 

Harry, rather bluntly, told the Doctor that Tessa was Chakotay’s lover. The bitterness in his voice made it clear that Harry disapproved of the situation. After all, Chakotay was in love with the Captain. That Harry knew for sure. After several drunken confessions and the number of times Harry caught Chakotay staring at her photo, there was no denying it. Harry thought any attachment Chakotay had to Tessa was disingenuine, but he didn’t bother to pay much attention to their relationship. Still, he felt it an insult to the Captain’s memory but it wasn’t his place. If Chakotay needed Tessa around to heal, so be it, as long as he completed his part of the mission. Soon, it all wouldn't matter, anyway.

Tessa ignored Harry’s icy demeanor and said, “We have about six hours. There’s a Federation ship approaching at high warp. I’ve taken measures to delay them, but…”

Harry understood. Their luck was running out and soon the wrath of Starfleet would be upon them.

“So, you’re fugitives, now?” the Doctor asked raising an eyebrow. 

“Something like that,” grumbled Harry, “High treason. Conspiracy to violate the temporal prime directive. We can’t go back now. Listen, Doc, I need to you to extract Seven’s interplexing beacon and her chronometric node. With those, I’ll be able to determine the exact translink frequency at the time of Seven’s death. It’ll tell me where Voyager was before the accident and when.” 

The Doctor looked at Seven’s body and then back at Harry. 

“Look, Doc. We have to do this. They’re all dead and it’s because of me,” Harry said. 

Chakotay entered the aft compartment. 

“Tessa, get dressed, I’d like you to join me back on Voyager. I need to salvage the sensor logs,” said Chakotay. 

Tessa patted Chakotay on the shoulder as she left the aft compartment. Chakotay looked to the Doctor who was looking between both Harry and Chakotay, as if realizing just how grim this timeline truly was. 

“Get to work Doctor, we don’t have much time,” said Chakotay.


	7. Chapter 7

“Keep an open commlink, will you? In case we have to get you out of there fast,” said Harry. He spoke to the air, linking to Chakotay’s communicator down on Voyager. 

“Understood,” said Chakotay. 

Harry watched the Doctor work as he listened to Tessa and Chakotay move about Voyager’s bridge. 

“My old command codes should work,” said Chakotay and Harry imagined him where he used to sit, in his seat in the middle of bridge, next to the captain. Harry felt a great sense of loss for what he had on Voyager. As desperately as he wanted to get back to Earth, arriving there without the crew, was torture, and Harry found himself longing for the days of being trapped in the Delta quadrant. 

“There’s an old log here. It’s active,” he said. 

He played the log. The voice of Captain Janeway filled the Flyer’s aft compartment. The Doctor paused working. 

“If this flight should end in disaster, I want to state for the record that the crew has acted with distinction and valor…”

Harry felt a stab of pain to his chest at hearing his captain's voice after fifteen years. He could hear the anticipation in her voice. That was her last log entry. In her last moments, was she afraid? Harry tried not to imagine it. He heard Chakotay sigh heavily over the comm. 

“Chakotay,” Tessa said, in a comforting voice. 

After a moment, he said, “I haven’t heard her voice in a long time,” Then he paused. “You know, if we do this...Everything that’s happened between us will be erased. Are you sure you want to do this?” Chakotay said. 

“Your heart has always been here. You want to bring them back, bring her back. She’s been consuming your thoughts for as long as I’ve known you. If what we do erases what we’ve had together, then so be it. As long as it brings you some happiness,” said Tessa. 

There was silence over the comm of quite some time before Chakotay spoke again. 

“Harry, I need you to beam us to Deck Three,” said Chakotay. 

“Chakotay…” Harry warned, knowing where he wanted to go, “That area is unstable.” 

“Just do it,” snapped Chakotay. 

Harry did as Chakotay requested. He heard Chakotay and Tessa moving heavy objects and Harry surmised that part of the bulkhead had collapsed. 

“Be careful,” warned Tessa, then after a moment, “Were these her quarters?” 

Chakotay did not respond. 

“The doors are broken. Can you open them more?” Tessa asked, “What do you see?” 

“Our dinner,” Chakotay said quietly but did not elaborate. 

Harry muted the commlink. He didn’t need to hear anymore. If Chakotay wanted to visit the captain’s quarters, that was his business. He pulled up a recording program and began a message to his younger self. He spoke of his mistake until the Doctor called him over. 

“Mr. Kim your assistance please,” said the Doctor. 

“Gotta go. You owe me one,” said Harry to the recording and the ended it. 

“I’m about ready,” said the Doctor, “Are you sure you want to do this? Altering the timeline...how do we know it won’t bring about another timeline that’s worse?” 

Harry glared at the Doctor. Worse? The Doctor has no idea. The fifteen years he and Chakotay spent trying to get over what happened, trying to live with what happened. Chakotay, losing the Captain, the woman he loved and he, Harry, was responsible for all of it. 

“Worse? The reason this timeline exists is because of me. The crew trusted me and I let them down!” shouted Harry. 

Before the Doctor could reply, the Flyer’s computer alerted them of a nearby ship. Harry reviewed the sensors. It was a Starfleet vessel. He pushed the comm button to speak with Chakotay. 

“You really loved her, didn’t you?” Tessa said over the comm. They were in apparent mid conversation. 

“Chakotay…” interrupted Harry, “there’s a Federation ship approaching. It’s time to come back. It’s now or never.” 

“Acknowledged,” said Chakotay. 

Harry turned back to the Doctor. 

“If you help us, you’ll be a criminal now too. If you don’t want to do this, I’ll understand and I’ll take you offline,” said Harry. 

“To aid an honorable thief or to spend eternity in cybernetic oblivion...Let's tempt fate,” said the Doctor. 

Harry and the Doctor work furiously as the Flyer was pursued by a Galaxy-class ship the Flyer’s sensors identified as the USS Challenger. As Chakotay piloted the shuttle, Harry worked to send the phase variations back in time. The Doctor retrieved the chronometric node from Seven’s body. 

“I have the time index,” the Doctor shouted as the Flyer rocked from weapon’s impact. 

Harry entered in the time. It would work. It had to! He activated the transmitter. 

“It’ll work, Doc, you’ll see!” 

After a few moments, nothing happened. He was still there, in the timeline of his own personal hell. It didn’t work. The Flyer’s engines failed. Harry could feel the suddenly loss of velocity. 

“Chakotay,” Harry said, sending a message to the helm, “It didn’t work.” 

“They have us in a tractor beam,” Harry heard Tessa say. 

“We’ll try a plasma surge through the beam. Maybe it will disrupt it,” said Chakotay. 

Harry felt the Flyer lurch as their shuttle broke free from the tractor beam. 

“Harry, that surge caused an EPS overload, we have about three minutes before the warp core breaches,” said Chakotay. 

Harry worked at the console, frantically trying to figure out what went wrong. How could he have made the same mistake again? All the work, all that time spent devising his plan for nothing. He stepped away from the console. Harry couldn’t stop the tears from falling. How did this happen? History was repeating itself. 

“I killed them!” said Harry. 

“Control yourself,” said the Doctor.

“They trusted me and I killed them!” cried Harry. 

The Doctor spun Harry around to face him.

“Mr. Kim! I didn’t spend all those years in an ice bucket so I could listen to you berate yourself! If you want to wallow in self-pity, fine. Do it on your own time!” said the Doctor.

“I’ve killed them all over again,” said Harry. 

He could taste bile in the back of his throat. After all this time, only to fail again?! 

“You are the only one who change change history. There’s still time. Figure it out,” demanded the Doctor. 

Harry stepped away from the Doctor, his vision blurred by his tears. 

“Don't you see? History is repeating itself! I destroyed Voyager once and I'm doing it again!” said Harry. 

"Someone has got to knuckle down and change history, and that someone is you,” said the Doctor. 

"It can't be done, Doc - I told you..."

"No! You told me you can't correct their phase variance. Alright, we have to accept that. But what about sending Voyager a warning? Is there a way to get them to abort the slipstream flight?" said the Doctor. 

Then it hit him. The slipstream! If he couldn’t send Voyager back to the Alpha quadrant, then maybe he could disrupt the slipstream altogether. Make it so the mission never happened. Yes! That was it.   
He rushed to the console again. As he did so, the computer alerted a warning. 

“60 seconds until warp core breach.”

Harry made his calculations, his brain moving a mile a minute, until he noticed it. The transmitter was losing power. 

“No!” cried Harry and he frantically searched for an alternative power source. 

He spotted the Doctor’s mobile emitter. 

“Doctor, I need this,” Harry said. 

The Doctor clapped Harry on the arm and nodded, “Good luck” he said with smile. 

Harry attached the mobile emitter to the transmitter. With only seconds to go, he only had one more try to set things right. The computer began to count down. Knock them out of the slipstream. Send the message. Knock them out, send the message. Harry repeated this over and over until… 

“Warning: Warp core breach in ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two…"

“YES!” Harry shouted just before the Flyer’s warp core breached. The anti-matter explosion engulfed the Flyer and everything Harry ever knew was gone. 

It worked.


	8. Chapter 8: 2375

Harry Kim sat in the mess hall aboard Voyager. He stared at the desktop monitor in front of him as he ran over the phase variance calculations he derived. His phase corrections were wrong and if he had sent them to Voyager, the ship would have been destroyed. He couldn’t explain what happened. He couldn't explain how Voyager received correct phase corrections which kicked them out of the slipstream. Captain Janeway entered the mess hall and quietly sat next to him. Harry explained his dilemma. 

“The corrections I sent you were wrong. If you had used them, Voyager would've been heavily damaged. Maybe even destroyed. What I can't figure out is who sent the other phase corrections to Seven of Nine,” said Harry. 

"Looks like we've got a guardian angel,” said Janeway. 

"Oh, I wish I could believe that..."

"Believe it. His name is Harry Kim... Seven found a Starfleet security code embedded in the transmission - yours,” said Janeway. 

She handed him a tricorder. 

Harry looked at her, confused. He didn’t send any transmission to Voyager. 

“There’s a transmission on there, with a temporal displacement. Seven estimates is about ten to twenty years in the future. It’s a message from one Harry Kim, to Harry Kim,” said Janeway. 

“Captain, this doesn’t make sense,” said Harry, “If I sent a message from the future, and changed the past, then that future would no longer exist, right? So, how could I have sent the message in the first place. Am I making any sense?"

"My advice in making sense of temporal paradoxes is simple: Don't even try. To me, all that matters is that somewhere, somehow, sometime, you'll come through for us." said Janeway before she smiled at him and left Harry alone in the mess hall. 

He played the message. An older version of himself appeared on the screen. He looked angry, worn, and worried. He looked as if he lived a hundred lifetimes and those lifetimes brought him nothing but pain. 

“Hello, Harry. I don't have much time, so listen to me. Fifteen years ago, I made a mistake and 150 people died. I've spent every day since then regretting that mistake. But if you're watching this right now, that means all of that has changed. You owe me one."

Harry leaned back in his chair. He looked down at his lap. So, it was him who sent the correct phase variance. Or at least, a version of him. It was all so confusing. As he thought what happened another message began to play on the screen. Harry sat up quickly. An older version of Chakotay appeared on the screen. His hair had more gray in it and he looked just as defeated as the older Harry. He attempted a smile at the screen. 

“Hello, Kathryn,” he said and Harry froze. 

This message wasn’t meant for him. He thought about stopping the playback but his curiosity got the better of him. Why would an older version of Chakotay need to send a message to the Captain. Was it to convince her not to try another attempt at the slipstream? 

“I’m piggybacking this message onto the one I know Harry will send to himself in a few hours. We just got back from the crash site. It was difficult to say the least. I knew it would be. It was hard enough seeing the ship broken and buried in ice but to see the bodies of the crew…” said Chakotay. 

Chakotay ran a hand through his hair and over his face. 

“I saw you lying there on the bridge. I knew what we were doing was right. Harry wanted to correct the mistake he made. To bring back the entire crew. I fully supported it but my reasons were more selfish. I hope you don’t overreact or blame my past self for something he will never do.” 

The old Chakotay smiled at the screen. 

“I came back to the crash site, went along with Harry’s plan, stole the Delta Flyer, because I couldn't bear life without you in it. I always thought we’d have a chance at a real future together but that hasn’t happened in my reality,” said Chakotay and Harry could hear the immense pain in his voice. 

The message skipped as if it was combining two playbacks into one transmission. 

“I knew I had to get you back. I couldn’t stay long on board. It was full of the ghosts of those I cared about but I did stop by your quarters. It was a dangerous decision with the ship being so damaged, but I was so desperate to be close to you once again. You know, we left out dinner so abruptly that night, we left the table set. It was still there, shifted and fallen to the floor in the crash, but even the padd with the results of the simulations were there.”

Chakotay paused. Tears were in his eyes. 

“I should have fought harder. I should have insisted that we find another way. I’ve hated myself for not doing enough. Harry blames himself and it’s easy to let him take the blame but the blame, the guilt, is equally mine. I promised myself I’d say this. I don’t have much time. My message can’t be too long if were sending it to the right time…losing you, living all these years not being by your side…it’s made me realize...It’s made me hope, I’d have the chance to tell you. I love you...for years. My younger self feels the same, but out of respect for you will never push the subject further. I don’t want to make things awkward between you two but I told you once that we had plenty of time and honestly we don’t know how much time we have. I have to go,” said Chakotay. 

He touched the screen. 

“We could have had years, Kathryn, don’t let time slip away.” 

The screen went blank. Harry stared at the screen. So, the older Chakotay went along with whatever crazy plan, an older version of Harry had concocted simply because he was in love with the Captain? Harry didn’t know what to do with that knowledge and suddenly he found himself leaving the mess hall, tricorder in hand. He headed to the Captain's quarters. Surely, she didn’t know about this part of the message. If she did, why would she have given him the tricorder? Harry arrived outside the Captain’s quarters on deck three and pressed the door chime. He waited. There was no answer.   
Confused and yet determined to deliver the message to the Captain, Harry asked the computer for the Janeway’s location. 

“Captain Janeway is in the first officer’s quarters,” the computer stated. 

Harry’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. Perhaps she did see the message after all. Something about the knowledge that an older version of Chakotay would risk everything simply to bring back the woman he loved gave Harry a sense of contentment. The power of this older Chakotay’s love for the Captain, of the older version of himself’s desire to save the crew, it felt as if the universe was set right. As if whatever timeline those older men were a part of was wrong. In that moment, Harry felt as if he was in the right place and the right time. He couldn’t explain it, but the fact that he was on Voyager, now, suddenly meant everything to him.


End file.
